Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy 2012!

New Year's Eve. The designated night to officially turn the page on your life. Out with the old, in with the new, new chapters, new resolutions, new goals. If an on-again-off again-relationship with Weight Watchers spanning 10 years has taught me anything, it's that you have a better chance of succeeding if you make a public declaration of your intentions so your friends and family can support and not enable.  So... in 2012 I resolve:

1.  To lose weight. The weight of my worry is literally pushing me down deeper into this chair as I type. I worry about Charlotte and whether my screwed up body image will be contagious. I worry about her friends picking on her because she's a giant, but can't do anything about it because after all, she is a giant. I worry that I'm not doing something I should have to make her childhood more rewarding, fulfilling, the time she looks back on as her favorite time ever. I worry about Henry. Every moment of every day. Could we be doing something we haven't thought about? How will he change as he enters the Early Childhood program in the school district? Will he be teased? Will he cry? Will he fall when he gets tired because his brain forgets to pick up his right foot? How many stitches will he need when that does happen? Will stitches be enough? I worry about Aaron. Is he happy enough? Fulfilled? Challenged? How can I make that happen for him?  I worry about the normal stuff too.... will the bills get paid, will I have enough yarn to finish this scarf in the same dyelot, will the front porch EVER stay clean for more than 24 hours....  I have that constant brain chatter that never shuts off and that worry wears on my face, sliding my cheeks lower toward my chin. It wears on my back, in the constant curve of concern. It weighs me down.  In 2012, I resolve to weigh less. To breathe more. To not worry about everything all the time, but just about the important things at the appropriate times. To not let the weight of the world join me on the scale, and ultimately, to weigh less.

2.  To expect the unexpected. It's all about living outside of the comfort zone this year. Trying something new, pushing the bar, surprising myself by what I can accomplish. I ask for so much from Henry and even Aaron and Charlotte. Now it's my turn to step up.  I have a couple things on the calendar so far, but all ideas are welcome. Especially if there's something you've been eager to try but don't think you have the guts to do it alone. Call me. I'm there.  

Those are the big ones...  (insert "that's what she said" reference here). I want to give more back, be a better listener, be more patient, keep a cleaner house, connect more with family... and who knows, that could all happen.  But one thing at a time people. I have to save something for next year! 

Hug your kids/partner/pet, and have Happy New Year!!!!

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